Have you ever been unconsciously compromising your values and beliefs to the extent where you realized that you've been stooping way too low for your ego's comfort?

I have and it made me feel like shit. Like now.

Having major emotions after being emotionally-detached for almost 11 months is creating this huge shock to my system and I do not have a single clue on how to fix it.

Of course there is someone out there somewhere who could fix it but that someone could also be the same person who made me compromise in the first place.

I'm not saying that that's the scenario.

That it boils down to one person, maybe two but it could be a possibility among many others.

I could stop stooping and get back up to where I was but I know people will get hurt along the process, namely, me.

I could get my ego in control but would I want to compromise that too? It stops me from stooping any lower. My ego keeps me who I am.

Right now, my ego is hating me.

So, how do I fix myself again? Or is it even fixable?

I'm so bored, it's not even funny.

So, I decided to blog.

Blogging is what bored people do.

In a week, I would have been in Mexico for 11 months.

11 months is a lot of time.

I could have given birth to a little taco-eating Mexican baby.

I didn't.

Referring to the last two post, yes he is still alive.

The dysfunctional skype-oriented LDR? Not so much.

No, I'm not sure, really.

We haven't really talked about it.

We just don't talk. Period.

It has been a while since we had a civilized conversation.

He was in Cuba, me in Mexico

Now, he is in Guatemala, probably, and I am STILL in Mexico

Nop, no conversations.

I know him and I know I can't wrench him from his work.
I'm not all ball and chain.

I let him do what he does best.

For some weird reason, I'm not bitter.

Maybe I turned cold, detached, like him.

Maybe I'm just very very distracted by someone just as cold, as detached as he is.

I think I am a bit of both and that's not me.

I'm not complaining.

In fact, I kinda like all this hassle-free "commitment"

I cringed a little typing the C-word.

Here I am, in Mexico, turning C-word phobic

I must admit, I am liking it.

More updates because I can.

I was told that my previous post is bittersweet.

I can assure you that it's more bitter than sweet.

All I needed was less than a week to realise that he is mind-blowingly terrible at this.

So horrible at it that my 'geng chau'-ness in handling a LDR couldn't balance it out.

Not even close.

He focuses too much on the 'distance' part from the long distance relationship term.

While I, like always, focus on the 'relationship' part.

I do all I can to keep the relationship working while he does all he can to keep..erm..the distance apart.

Apparently knowing him for 5 months wasn't enough to decode him.

Actually, it didn't come off as a surprise at all.

In fact, I wouldn't have expected anything else from him.

In a way, I think it's safe for me to say that he is just being him.

Maybe I DO know him afterall.

Oh, what did I get myself into this time?

I knew this would happen.

It's like seeing a shark in the water and go ' Hey, look it's a shark. Maybe i should go for a swim '

Ah, I'm up for any challenge.

Yup, I'm adventurous like that.

Oh no, maybe I really DO like him a lot.

2 words, CARI PASAL.

But you know what?

I made the decision myself.

I know what I was getting myself into.

I'll do what I can and whatever the outcome is going to be, at least I can look back and say that, " Hey, I've given it a try" .

And i give myself props for that.

My laptop is up and running again.
So, here I am making an effort to update again, answering all the ' so are u dating anyone? ' question.

here goes,..

Some 5 months ago, I was introduced to a guy by my best friend.

It was funny because for the longest time ever, she tried to hook me up with him.

"Oooh..you have to meet my roomie. He's cute but I think he's a bit young. Well, you are younger than me. You have to come over my place and see for yourself. You should soooo hook up with him...."

He turned out to be a lot older than she is.

The first time i met him, I wasn't impressed.

He wasn't anything bad.

In fact, i thought he was pretty cute in a very different way.

We are probably different in more than 154 ways.

If you know me well enough, all you need was to take one look at him and you'll wave the thought of us being together almost immediately. Well, I did.

" So..what do you think??"

" Well, he's pretty cute but he's sooooooo blond. I'm not big on blondies, remember? "

The other reason i couldn't see myself with him was because he was so shy.

Maybe he was just reserved.

Maybe he was just being him.

I don't know but when we actually did warm up to each other, he turned out to be the most amazing guy. Ever.

" Babe, you know what? I'm actually excited he's coming over! "

" OMG, you are so cute. You are blushing! "

I don't remember when was the last time I blushed so publicly.

So really, what attracted me.

Apparently, being smart is a huge turn on for me.

That's what I found out about myself.

I'm not talking about a 4.0 cgpa.

I'm talking about a man who knows what he does.

A man who is passionate about what he believes in.

A man who inpires me.

A man who teaches me without the long hours lectures.

" I don't know babe, he is so smart. He makes you think and in a good way "

" That's why I ccould always go to him for advices "

I had my rock-bottom moment.

All i could think at that time was to talk to him.

When i did, I broke down.

He hugged me and I felt all better.

When was the last time i could open up so easily to a man I just met not too long ago?

I've got no clue.

That means a lot.

And of course, I have to give props to his weird sense of humor.

Something I don't get. Probably never will.

He would try to be funny, always leaving me with the 'wtf?' moment.

It's when he doesn's try that could get die laughing.

" I'm so funny sometimes "

" No, you are not. "

" Yes I am. You see, you are laughing "

I just realised that I could go on forever talking about what I like in him.

I wouldn't. I might jinx the whole thing like I always do.

For the past 5 months, we had a 'we were going out' moment.

I put up emotion-defense mechanism on guard.

I knew he would have to leave one day.

And of course he left. On a cold wednesday morning.

It has been more than 2 weeks since he left.

I think the time and distance made us realise something we have been avoiding all this while.

Right now, we'll see how long this Skype-oriented long distance relationship could last.

" Let's see what the future brings "

The butterflies in my tummy start fluttering.

I switched off my emotion-defense mechanism.

Living life the Mexican way

2 more weeks and i would have spent 7 months in Mexico.
This can only mean one thing; second post in 7 months.

Being so far away from home for such a long time has definitely changed me.
I´m still me.

I used to take more than an hour to prepare before going out.
Now, all I need now is 30 minutes.

I used to eat very little because I was weight-conscious like that.
Now, my breakfast has more calories than what I used to eat in a day. Nothing beats cereal and fruit with cold milk.

I used to spend all my money on clothes and beauty products.
Now, I spend a fraction of the amount to buy grocery. I love wal-mart. I´m a capitalist!.

I used to be chauffered around.
Now, I walk through blocks so that I can catch the bus. RM 0.60 for a ride, I´m not complaining.

I used to go to the one and only hairdresser that i trust.
Now, I cut my own hair; from waist-lenght to shoulder-lenght. I don´t trust mexican hairstylist.

I used to eat meat.
Now, I don´t remember when was the last time I had meat. Vege rules!

I used to love eating out.
Now, I cook almost all my meals. Home-cooked meals, yum yum.

I used to dislike blue-eyed blondie.
Now, I´m seeing (sorta!) the blondest of all blondies. And he´s so white, they call him Casper. At least he has grey eyes that I love!

I used to carry a make up bag with me all the time.
Now, all I need is my clear lip balm. Chapped lips don´t look kissable.

I used to think that me weighing 50 kg is fat.
Now, I´m 53 kg and feel pretty darn good about it. Except that I can´t fit into some of my clothes anymore =(

I used to be brand-conscious.
Now, I buy clothes from flea market.

I used to think in all other languages that I know besides spanish.
Now, I mainly think in Spanish.

I used to avoid carbs like it´s the plague.
Now, I need my daily carb fix. Tortilla, rice, pasta, bread, potatoes..come to mommy!

I used to be able to swear in 4 languages..
Now, I can swear in at least 7 languages. I´m proud.

I used to think our educational system sucks.
Now, I know nothing can be worse than the Mexican education system. Seriously.

I used to turn down any job that pays less than RM 150 per day..
Now, I get paid RM 25 for a 8 hour-long job which includes washing dishes. And I´m happy.

I used to cry a lot.
Now, after almost 7 months, I´ve cried once. I´ve had my rock-bottom moment.

I used to feel sick after drinking coffee.
Now, I feel sick if I don´t have my morning cup of coffee. I still like tea tho.

I used drink very little.
Now, I still don´t drink a lot but definitely more. Come on, Corona cost less than RM 5.

I used to only go out in heels.
Now, my flip.-flops and I are inseparable and i´ve only worn heels twice.

I used to be very sure that Linguistics is what I want to do.
Now, I´ve discovered so many other possibilities. Archeology, photography, history, god knows.

I used to get up and leave my bed as it is.
Now, I make my bed every morning. You never know who else is going to see the bed at night. haha kidding!

=========

ok. Enough for this post because as of now, i´m having a major writer´s block. I might be back updating this list or posting up a new one soon.

until then, take care everyone since the A(H1N1) is all over right now but for us in Mexico, we can only say that ¨it´s sooooooooooooooooooo yesterday¨.

Hello from Mexico

The weather‘s good today.
22 degrees Celsius, slightly warmed up by the sun.
Cloudless sky bluer than Gerardo’s eyes.

On days like these, there’s nothing better than lying on the rainbow-colored hammock at the backyard reading a good book, accompanied by a glass of iced tea.
That’s precisely what I’ve been doing for the past 3 hours before I decided to blog.

Still lying on the hammock, wrapping myself up with a shawl as the sun slowly sets before my eyes, painting the sky various shades orange.

This is peace. A whole new different level of it.

I haven’t felt this detached before.
Detached from emotion, from my old life, from everything.
In a good way, of course.

I'm not going to waste too much time typing and all.
I’ll just throw in some pictures of the place that I’m currently staying at and will be staying at for the next month.

Also, some pictures from the places that I’ve visited.


=====



This is what I do EVERY evening
Hanging out at my favorite spot. Literally



Just so I can have this view.
See how blue the sky is??

When the sun gets too much for me, I go to the blue hammock..



..to get this view and..



..occasionally, this.
Everyone, meet Erick. French guy who cooks kick-ass meals




On the left is the computer area in the living room and the blondie is Marian from Germany. He makes superb breakfast and is my go-to-school partner.

On the right is the bean bag-filled TV area a.k.a PlayStation area a.k.a guitar session area.



Walls decorated by pictures taken by Gerardo, the owner.



FOOD from one of the nights we had. That night was clearly BBQ night



Me with all the food and Gerardo.
Look at all the weight that I've gained but I'm not complaining plus I LOVE my tan.

That's all bout the hostel this time but I have loads to show. Just to keep you interested, you haven't heard Gerardo singing mariachi or seen Danial the Venezuelan guy or Giacomo the Italian guy or ..oh, nevermind.

Ok, back to pictures. I've been here close to 10 weeks now and I've done a little bit of traveling.

I was in big cities.



Historic center in Mexico City



More amazing buildings in Mexico City

===

I was up in the mountains.



View during my horseback riding tour in San Cristobal de Las Casas

I visited indigenous village.



Church in San Juan de Chamula, one of the many many indigenous villages in Chiapas

I saw the Gran Canyon of Sumidero



This particular view is the symbol of the state of Chiapas

===

I hiked in the jungle.



Mayan ruins in the jungle in Palenque.



Waterfall in the same jungle in Palenque

I bathed in more beautiful waterfalls.



Gorgeous but cold Misol-Ha cascade in a different jungle in Palenque.



Agua Azul in yet another jungle in Palenque.
Agua Azul literally means 'blue water' and this is where the tan started.

===

I surfed the waves of the 'mexican pipeline'



Zicatela beach is one of the top surfing spot.

I sat under palapa roof, enjoying my coconut drink.



For some weird reason, this picture looks like a credit card advertisment.

I witnessed one of the most beautiful sunset..



..and then some. =)



As the sun slowly disappear in front of me,..



the moon creeps up behind me.
These 2 pictures were taken at the same time. Maybe with a 2 seconds interval in between.

===

Well, I guess that's all for now.
I'll try to blog more and keep you guys updated.

Like fo'real !

I guess it's safe to say that I'm going to Mexico for real..

..and to the United States too!

Now, I have less than a week to fit a year of my life into 2 suitcases. 
Too much nonsense, too little luggage space.
 
My 6 pairs of heels, they are important.

I'm like, THIS close.

Things to do

renew passport --> done

hand in university application --> done

hand in scholarship application --> done

mail scanned copies of documents to both parties --> done

Money issues

return flight tickets, approx. RM 12, ooo --> covered by home uni

living expenses, approx. USD 6, 000 --> covered by mexican public education ministry

tuition fees, no idea how much --> covered by uni in mexico

I've worked hard enough and I'm THIS close to getting it.

I shall not jinx it.

Hello, true friend.

I'm a little amazed at how people categorise their friends.

We have the usual good friends, close friends, best friends (whatever happened to better friends?), even friends with benefits but the most bizzare term that I've came across lately, ironically coined from very un-bizzare words, is True Friends.

True Friends. True Friends. True friends. (try saying that 10 times)

I mean, true friends??

as opposed to..what? Un-true Friends??

How do you even come up with a term like that?

Oh wait, it was you, wasn't it?

The one that skillfully faked a friendship for the past, hmm..let me see, 4 years? 

Or was it longer?

You said it so convincingly like it is a norm to tag your friends with terms like this and I, being stupidly convinced by you, like I've always did over the years, spent the whole night re-evaluating the relationship between myself and my friends until I reached my 'eureka' moment.

You made me all upset thinking that I do not have any 'true friends' but you've also made me realised that the fact that I'm lacking 'true friends' is because I, unlike you, don't forge a friendship.

Is that why you wondered if I, your un-true friend, have any true friends? 

Because you have the best of both worlds?

For me, it's either you are a friend or you are not. 

Well, you are not. Not anymore

All this 'true' and 'un-true' friends crap reminds me of myself when I told the girl who sat beside me to not worry because I only 'kawan tipu-tipu' [used as a verb] the other girl.

Crap, I have true/un-true friends afterall.

I was 7. What's your excuse??

Really, why bother?

I'm fucking sorry if i hurt both your feelings but just so you know, I have feelings too.

Why did I even bother when, clearly, all you ever really cared about was yourselves?

So I withered

As much as I hate to admit this, a part of me wishes that I was a little less of who I am.

It hurts to see myself rejecting what's left of me.

Comfort zone

I get disconnected from the outside world. Most of the time.
OK, all the time.

I like it this way.
I ignore calls and messages.
I laugh at my own silly jokes.
I sniff my smelly monkey and I fall asleep.

I bury myself under mountains of work. I like busy. Busy keeps me sane.
Too much busy-ness drives me insane. Sometimes.
I talk to people insanely.
I talk to insane people. They un-insane me.
They make look sane. At least I think I am.
I start doing my work again. The cycle repeats.

This is me functioning. I repeat.
Repetition is boring. Boring is cool.
I think I am boring. Therefore, I'm cool. Happening.
I listen to 'I Am the Walrus'. I'm happening. Definitely.

I hide in my own comfort zone. Contented.
I always hid in my own comfort zone. Always contented.

I should change.
I will ditch the comfort zone that keeps me contented.

I took up the offer.
I am going to Mexico. I think. For a year
I will rebuild my comfort zone. A brand new one.

5 more months. I will deal with you.
Cannot screw up.
5 more months. Don't fail me.

Oh, finally!! [edited]

I've been back for almost a month and I was really too lazy to update and the reason I've been so lazy is because I probably only have 5 person reading this blog and I have another blog to update which I'm not bothered to tell since it's mainly beauty-related stuff and probably 4 out of my 5 readers have better things to do like scratching balls in the morning.

Plus, the last thing I want is to show everyone how vain I really am but just in case you want to know how vain I am, I've only started buying and wearing lipstick about a month ago and I now own 30 of them.

At first, I was planning to blog about everything that I wanted to blog about BUT then I realised that it would only mean fitting 643864 pictures into one post WHICH means that it will take a gazillion years to finish AND I don't have a gazillion years.

I have an hour.
OK maybe 2.


===


Lets start with Bangkok.

I was there in March from..erm..well..it was in March.
And I remember skipping classes because I went on a Wednesday and came back on Saturday.

You have no idea how excited I was about the trip.

I would love to tell you everything but it has been a good 3 months now and my memory has been failing me.

I remember people that I talked to tho.
Some aussie dudes when I was taking a break from shopping.
This non-jap looking japanese guy named Kei(?) who shared a cab.
An irish guy, Fergus, who sat beside me during my flight back home.
They had some really interesting stories.

Anyway, before straying too far from the topic, the trip was really all about sun, shopping and food.

Since it is almost impossible to give you a detailed description about the trip, here comes picture time!!

One of the highlights of the trip was definitely the place I stayed in.
It was this hostel that I found and booked online.
For RM 100 odd per night, it was definitely one of the best-est place I've stayed in before.


This is how the room looked like and on the right is a shot of the living area..


This was taken from the top of the 'swirly' walk that leads to..


..THE POOL !!


The first picture is the walkway to the pool if you are to go up with the elevator.
The middle pic is of the round poolside bar which is what you get at the end of the 'swirly' walk.
The final pic is my attempt to take artsy pic of the stools in the bar.


This is how the bar looks on the inside and yup, those are the stools!
All this goodness and it's only a hostel!!
They even gave free shuttle!!



FOOD, GLORIOUS FOOD..
I have a lot more pics of food but that will take a long time.
I love these 2 the most!!
Some fried fish dish in CatuchakMarket and Pizza from ThePizzaCompany.

Next up is some random stuff I saw.


SUPER PUSSY!!
Totally sounds like some superhero's name.


To bang Sue, please turn left.
Where do I go to bang Mary, Jane or Lucy??


This place has some really wicked stuff.
I got this really pretty dress for RM70!!


The shot of the toilet sign that i 'curi-curi' took inside SiamCentre.
Did you that you can't take pictures inside shopping malls in Bangkok??
Some weird scary looking security guard kept looking over the whole time!!


Lookey!! RED satellite dish!!


Can I have one of this at home please??


Cabs in Bangkok are so colourful!!
I especially loved the pink ones!!


Eyelash extensions were so cheap there.
I got mine done for RM35 but it was so uncomfortable and way too dramatic.
So, i scraped it off.

How can I travel and not take pictures right??


Everyone, meet Hazel and SoonChing


Us all sweaty after ChatuchakMarket.
The market is definitely a must go place. MUST!!

These pictures pretty much sum up my trip to Bangkok.
It was definitely fun but of course could be fun-er.

==

The following weekend, I was working for the F1 Grand Prix in Sepang.
I was initially going to work for BMW but on the first morning itself, I found out that I was going to work for KangarooTV.

I didn't even know what the heck it was and was a little pissed but after working, I'm glad I got that instead of BMW.
It was actually a lot of fun.
Tiring but fun fun fun.



If you don't know what a kangarooTV is or haven't seen one, well, THIS is it.
It's definitely one of the coolest thing ever.
Remember to rent one of these if you are ever going to a race.


Working with us were 2 really nice helpful British guys.
This is Graham and his jolly-ness is infectious!!



This is Gerald and Gerald is a funny guy.
He was suppose to put me in one of those boxes and bring me to Barcelona.
Cassandra (3rd from right) thinks he is hot.

If they weren't here, this job would have sucked a lot more.
I bugged their lives a bit but I think they were fine with it.
Graham probably liked me bugging his life. Haha.


There were actually 10 of us.
Half of us were with KangarooTv and the other half were the BeemerGirls.


It wouldn't be right if I didn't camwhore.
Here's Cassandra and I camwhoring before work.

Across the stall that I was in was the Ferrari stall.
I've spent most of my free time looking at this guy who was working there and he must have noticed because when Cassandra went to ask him for pictures, he asked me to have a picture with him.

I hesitated a bit (I was shy ok!) but he managed to get me suckered with that grin of his and his spanish accented English.
When I agreed, out popped another guy who is his TWIN brother!!

Come on, I mean how often do I get a hot guy asking me for picture and when that happened, there were 2 of them!!
There was no reason good enough to not want to take the picture. Seriously.


TheSpanishTwins - double trouble.
I never thought I would ever say this but I actually look tiny!!
On the left is Carlos from the opposite stall and on my right is the brother whose name I didn't get.
They are actually a lot more cuter in real.

That's it bout the job.
I don't know if I've mentioned this before but it was really fun.
The pay was pretty good too!!

I've met some really interesting ppl there and some really annoying ones too.
I'm pretty flattered that after that weekend, a lot of the guys that I talked to actually stalked found me on friendster.
Scary I know but flattering too.

And oh, it was so freaking hot that I caught a cold.
The sunburn after that wasn't so much fun too.

===

In between the 2 weekends, I had some visitors from Spain and somewhere else which I will blog about when I'm not too lazy next.

I really have to get going because as of now, Spain is already kicking Germany's ass by one goal which I didn't get to see because I am here blogging!!


[edit]

So, when I went down to watch footie, my dad was there.
Here's our first conversation..

me : ooooh, Klose
dad : *silence*
me : uuuh, he's hurt
dad : *silence*

then comes the replay

me : oooww, he got kicked on the balls
dad : MM HMMMM...


He sure did feel his pain.

Anyway, Spain won and they deserve to win because their captain is hot.
Seriously, do you really think I watch football for the 0h-so-beautiful game??
No, I watch for the oh-so-beautiful men.
I don't even know what 'offside' is.
Meh..

Coming up!

I know, I know.

I have abandoned this poor blog of mine for a bit too long now and it's about time for me to update since my uni break started..

..BUT..

Yes, there is always a but.
I have to sit for an external paper this coming Friday and it's no small matter.

So, until then, i will be busy doing online shopping studying real hard.

I need someone who can practice speaking Spanish with me but right now, all I have is Pimsleur from the Spanish audio lesson program and honestly, he sucks. Ok, he isn't all that bad. He's just too proper and that's not what I need.

This past semester has got to be the most interesting one so far. The last couple of months could not have been any more busier and I can finally catch up with things. The trip back to Ipoh last weekend allowed me to slow myself down.

Right now, I just have to remember to reply bout 7-8 pretty important emails and return 2 important calls where I need to cock up stories and excuses for not getting back to them earlier.

Anyway, before i get too distracted by all this online shopping site, here's a list of stuff that you would be seeing from my upcoming post(s).

-Bangkok trip
-Visitors from Spain and some other part of the world
-Working for F1 Grand Prix
-New addiction(s)
-New favourite TV show
-More random stuff

Haha.
I list them out like I'm some big time blogger.
I just need to make sure i remember what i want to blog about.
I've been getting some problems with remembering stuff lately.

Till then, cheers!

Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche

One of the courses for this semester is literature and it's amazing how different it is from English lite but I am not complaining.

We've done stuff by Julio Cortázar, Gabriel García Márquez, Camilo José Cela, Laura Esquivel, Carmen Martín Gaite and Isabel Allende (love her!)

I really DO like spanish literature.

Classes have been really enjoyable but this morning, I was hoping I would fall down the stairs, break my leg and have an excuse to skip the class.

We had to do poems. In Spanish.
As if it wasn’t bad enough, Spanish poems in the 20’s.

I still remember how I cringed every time Irene my lecturer mentioned the word 'poesía' but that was when I haven’t read the poem yet.

I am now a changed person.

The poem we did today was so beautiful that it almost made me tear after I fully understood it.
In a language I didn’t understand 2 years ago and yet I could feel every bit of the sentiments the writer was trying to express.

As I slowly understood the poem, it brought back many vivid memories.

Like how Karina sang in her song,

Buscando en el baúl de los recuerdos
Cualquier tiempo pasado nos parece mejor
Volver la vista atrás es bueno a veces
Mirar hacia adelantes es vivir sin temor

How true is that?

Going back to the poem, it was written by Pablo Nerudo and the verse I read was the first verse from his book entitled ‘Veinte Poemas de Amor y Una Canción Desesperada’.

And this is how it goes;

Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Escribir, por ejemplo: -La noche está estrellada,
Y tiritan, azules, los astros, a los lejos-
El viento de la noche gira en el cielo y canta.
Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Yo la quise, y a veces ella también me quiso.
En las noches come ésta la tuve entre mis brazos.
La besé tantas veces bajo el cielo infinito.
Ella me quiso, a veces yo también la quería.
Cómo no haber amado sus grandes ojos fijos.
Puedo escribir los versos más tristes esta noche.
Pensar que no la tengo. Sentir que la he perdido.
Oír la noche inmensa, más inmensa sin ella.
Y el verso cae al alma como al pasto el rocío.
Qué importa que mi amor no pudiera guardarla.
La noche está estrellada y ella no está conmigo.
Eso es todo. A lo lejos alguien canta. A lo lejos.
Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.
Como para acercarla mi mirada la busca.
Mi corazón la busca, y ella no está conmigo
La misma noche que hace blanquear los mismos árboles.
Nosotros, los de entonces, ya no somos los mismos.
Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero cuánto la quise.
Mi voz buscaba el viento para tocar su oído.
De otro. Será de otro. Como antes de mis besos.
Su voz, su cuerpo claro. Sus ojos infinitos.
Ya no la quiero, es cierto, pero tal vez la quiero.
Es tan corto al amor, y es tan largo el olvido.
Porque en noches como ésta la tuve entre mis brazos,
Mi alma no se contenta con haberla perdido.
Aunque éste sea el último dolor que ella me causa,
Y éstos sean los últimos versos que yo le escribo.

Good for you if you understand what it means.
If you don’t, I can only say that you are missing out this much.

Reading this poem again makes me want to cry. Again.